Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
