I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
