i already hear my dad disowning me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
