Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
