She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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