It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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