Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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