There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
