This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
