i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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