pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
