Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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