You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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