He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
