so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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