Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
