And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
