Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
