My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
