In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
