he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
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