A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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