soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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