I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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