Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
