the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
