Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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