thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
