I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
