just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
