I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
