woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
