I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
