I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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