Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
