I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
