I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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