He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
