Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize