how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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