please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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