I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
