In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
