She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
