And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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