So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
false alarm, still single
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