when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
