Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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