so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
