I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
