We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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