my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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