So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
