dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
