i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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