I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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