there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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