i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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