I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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