Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
