see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
