I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
