why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
