yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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