He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
