glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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