Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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