I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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