Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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