In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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